


I just can't stand it

by manesalex



Series: Resentment [4]
Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fix-It, M/M, Mentions of Panic Attacks, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, Mild Sexual Content, background Isobel Evans/Kyle Valenti, background Liz Ortecho/Max Evans - Freeform, background Maria Deluca/Rosa Ortecho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:07:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23920561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manesalex/pseuds/manesalex
Summary: Michael Guerin misses Alex Manes.
Relationships: Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Series: Resentment [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1712398
Comments: 18
Kudos: 135





	I just can't stand it

**Author's Note:**

> This is for all of my fellow Alex fans and Malex shippers who are hurting right now. I hope this helps just a bit.

It’s been months since Michael last held Alex and he thinks he might commit fratricide if either of his siblings make him cancel yet another planned trip to Austin. He _gets_ why Alex doesn’t want to come back to Roswell and he wouldn’t ever push him to do it, but he needs to have Alex in his arms again as soon as possible.

And, just like clockwork, Isobel strides into Sanders’ lot.

“No. Whatever it is, no. I have cancelled on him _twice_ already, Isobel. I’m not doing that to him again,” he heads her off.

“I know,” she replies with a smile. “That is why it’s already been taken care of.”

“You did not cancel with Alex for me, Isobel! Please tell me you did not-”

“It’s fine,” she brushes it aside like it’s nothing. Which it probably is to her. She and Kyle haven’t been apart for more than a week since they started dating _and_ they’ve had it far easier than he and Alex have. “Look,” her tone is more serious. “This is important to Max. And this is the only weekend that works for Arturo and Liz. You know our brother has been in love with Liz forever and he deserves to have a nice engagement party.”

“And I’ve been in love with Alex forever and I can’t even see him!”

“Which is why I’ve _rescheduled_ your weekend with him. I promise there will be no interruptions if I can do anything about it,” she hands him a folder. “Alex will land in Albuquerque a week from Thursday. You’ll have a long weekend with him. You have a reservation at a lovely hotel, I would have scheduled you a couple’s massage if I thought you’d enjoy that. They have some excellent masseuses. Instead, you two can just stay in your hotel room and fuck each other’s brains out if that’s what you want.”

He doesn’t bother to correct her. He doesn’t know if they’ll be doing that. And, truthfully, he doesn’t care. Yes, he’d enjoy it. Their sex is always epic. Yes, it’s torture to have Alex in his arms and not be able to touch him like that, but it’s so much better than not having him in his arms at all. Right now, he just wants to hug Alex. To know that he’s safe and _there_.

“Now,” she continues. “I’ve set aside a suit for you to wear. I expect you to be civil towards the maid of honor.” He doesn’t have to ask who she’s talking about. “For Max’s sake.”

* * *

Michael is still grumbling about it on Friday afternoon, dreading spending Saturday night with all the happy couples and the other person responsible for Alex leaving.

Not even talking to Alex the night before had helped. Not even their now nightly video chat on the phone Alex had insisted on buying for him. That had been their first real blow-out fight, Michael entirely unwilling to take charity, Alex insisting that he wanted to be able to see Michael when he couldn’t _see_ him. Michael had only given in when Alex mentioned he thought maybe it would make for good phone sex and that it might help him. He could refuse for himself, but never for Alex. So he had given in with the caveat that he would pay Alex back.

And Alex hadn’t been wrong about the phone sex. Michael didn’t know how it could be so epic when Alex wasn’t even touching him, but it was.

Still, by morning, all Michael can think about is how he was supposed to see Alex today. Instead, he has to stay here in Roswell and spend tomorrow night with his brother, his brother’s fiance, his sister, and his sister’s boyfriend. And the other person who is partially at fault for Michael’s own boyfriend leaving Roswell for good.

So, when Sanders asks him to go pick up a broken down vehicle an hour out of town, it’s just another annoyance he has to deal with. He should be halfway to Austin right now, halfway to _Alex_ , but, instead, he’s driving outside of Roswell, probably off to pick up some tourist whose car broke down.

The annoyance lasts until he sees the car and the very familiar man leaning against it. And then he’s barely parking the tow truck before he’s stumbling out of it and practically flying into Alex Manes’ arms.

He buries his nose against Alex’s neck, taking in the warmth of his skin, the delicate, steady pulse, and the smell of pine and smoke and something indefinably Alex. “Hey,” he breathes against Alex’s skin, delighting in the way he shivers against Michael.

“Hey,” Alex’s voice is soft and fond.

“I missed you,” Michael says, not letting Alex move an inch, not that he’s trying.

“I missed you too,” Alex replies. “And your sister may have mentioned she thought you might kill someone if you didn’t see me soon,” he laughs. “She seemed less worried about you committing murder and more about it ruining Max and Liz’s party.”

“Isobel asked you to come?” he asks, thinking about what he could possibly do to repay her for this surprise.

“Nope. You’re the only person who knows I’m here.” He can hear the smile in Alex’s voice. “Well, you and Sanders. I had to convince him to send you out here, after all.” He pauses, voice lowering in a way that makes heat pool in Michael’s belly, “Now, how would you like to release all that tension?”

* * *

Michael presses his nose against the back of Alex’s neck, inhaling his scent.

“You’re such a sap, Michael Guerin,” Alex teases, interlacing their fingers and letting Michael rest his hand over Alex’s heart, feeling that steady beat. “You could have had a blow job, but you wanted to cuddle?”

Michael shrugs, scooting closer to him until he’s pressed entirely against Alex’s back. “I wouldn’t say no to that later, but yeah.”

Eventually, since they’re staying the night, he’ll have to get up to start a fire in the fireplace. Alex’s cabin, once Jim Valenti’s, doesn’t have heat outside of that fireplace and he knows how cold Alex can get at night. But, for now, he’s content to draw comfort from the fact that Alex is in his arms once more. “I missed you,” he says yet again, pressing a kiss to Alex’s spine, delighting in the way it makes Alex shiver and press back against him.

“I missed you too, Michael,” he can hear the smile in Alex’s voice.

“Albuquerque is still on, right?” Michael asks for confirmation. “I still get you two weekends in a row?”

“You do,” Alex replies easily, squeezing his hand. “And, about that, I requested a transfer a while ago and it’s finally come through. I didn’t want to mention it and get your hopes up in case it didn’t happen, but they’re moving me to Kirtland.”

“You’re moving to Albuquerque?” Michael asks carefully. He wants to shout with joy and shower Alex with kisses at the idea, but, instead, he just climbs over Alex and lays in front of him instead so that they’re face-to-face, hands still intertwined.

Alex lifts their hands to his lips, pressing a kiss against the back of Michael’s hand. “I am. How would you feel about helping me house-hunt next weekend?”

Michael smiles in response, “Yeah. I can make sure everything’s up to code, that it’ll work alright for you.” He likes that idea. Alex living close enough that he can see him every weekend. And the thought of making sure the place is good enough for Alex. That’s vital to him.

“Not what I meant,” Alex smiles, ducking his head. “It’s no rush and I don’t know how ready we are for it and I know you’re happy in Roswell, but I thought that, maybe, you’d like to help me find a place? For us?”

Michael can’t imagine leaving his siblings to fend for themselves again. He still remembers the concern he felt every day when he was a kid, unable to feel them in his head, to know if they were okay or suffering like he was. He remembers the relief he felt when he moved to Roswell and found them again, when he learned they were safe.

But he knows he can’t ask Alex to move back to Roswell. Not when it holds as many painful memories as it does. He knows that, if he asked, Alex wouldn’t hesitate before giving him exactly what he wants. Which is exactly why he’ll never so much as suggest it. He can’t be the reason Alex suffers like that. Not again.

“It’s no rush or anything,” Alex repeats himself. And Michael wonders if Alex knows what he is thinking. “I know your family is in Roswell. And it’s a big commitment. Moving in together. Either way, it’s not like we’ll be as far apart. Three hours isn’t that bad.”

Michael nods, leaning in to kiss him, “I’m gonna help you find an amazing house.”

* * *

Michael is trying to adjust his tie for this dinner, when Alex stands up and makes his way over to him, reaching out and taking it from him.

“You don’t need to protect me, you know,” Alex says, eyes on the tie, rather than on Michael’s own. Michael suspects that Alex is referring to him turning down sex the previous night, but he doesn’t know exactly how ready he is to talk about it. He doesn’t quite know how to explain it himself.

“Not trying to, darlin’,” Michael replies finally, stepping closer, reaching out to touch Alex’s chest through his shirt. “You look especially good tonight. Think I can get away with staying here with you instead?”

Alex hums and finishes tying the tie before he leans in pressing a kiss to Michael’s lips. “Flattery will get you everywhere. Later though?” His tone is heated and hopeful.

Michael nods, still uncertain, in spite of his easy flirtation with Alex.

“I’m not going to break, Michael,” Alex’s tone is serious, as Michael goes to grab his keys. He had driven into town early in the morning to trade vehicles and get the suit Isobel had left for him in his Airstream.

“I know you’re not,” Michael replies, trying to reassure him. He knows how strong Alex is. He knows how brave he is. And he knows how self-sacrificing he is. And that is what worries him. He’s seen Alex stand inside a building that was about to explode to try to save him and he’s seen the damage Alex has done to himself in trying to put Michael first in other ways.

He’s grateful Alex is still only skirting the subject. He doesn’t know how to explain that he doesn’t think he can handle watching or, worse, _causing_ another of Alex’s panic attacks. It’s not that he thinks _Alex_ will break. It’s that he’s certain _he_ will.

“Good,” Alex finally says, following Michael toward the door. “Because, if you’re not-” he doesn’t finish his thought before moving to the next one, clearly trying to hide the pain in his voice at the thought, “Or, if you don’t want-” Alex swallows and blinks a few times and Michael wishes he could just stay and comfort him. “That’s fine. But, if you’re worried about me, you don’t need to be.”

“Alex,” Michael steps back toward Alex, reaching out and holding him gently by the arms. He doesn’t know that he wants to talk about this, but he can’t let Alex think that he doesn’t want him when Michael is certain nothing in this world or any other could make him _stop_ wanting Alex Manes. “I always want you. Hell, if things were less complicated and I didn’t have somewhere to be, I’d carry you to bed and fuck you so hard you’d still feel me next weekend. Or beg you to fuck me so hard I’d see stars. You have no idea how fucking sexy you are.”

“So it’s not-”

“Never.”

“Okay,” Alex nods, closing the distance between them and pressing a gentle kiss to Michael’s lips before letting him go.

* * *

Dinner is awful.

It’s not so much that anything bad happens. In fact, the opposite. Max is the happiest Michael has ever seen him and Liz is beaming up at him like she’s never been so happy.

Arturo looks so pleased and proud, like he has exactly what he’s always dreamed of.

Isobel looks perfectly in her element, entirely happy and secure for once. And Michael knows that Kyle is a big part of that, that he practically worships Isobel and completely accepts her for who she is.

The Evans’s even seem happier than usual, in spite of the way Michael is certain Ann wrinkled her nose at the thought of her son having an engagement party at a diner.

And Maria avoids him, but she seems happy too, busy smiling at her phone and then glancing back toward the kitchen, like she’s wishing she could sneak up the stairs and see Rosa, who is still living like a ghost in this town.

It all just serves to make Michael feel even more alone and to miss Alex even more.

He doesn’t say anything about it until most of the guests have left and Isobel and Max find him sipping at his soda, waiting for his turn to say goodbye.

“I’m sorry I made you cancel your weekend,” Isobel says, sitting down beside him in the booth.

“You know Alex would have been perfectly welcome here, right?” Max asks. Michael wonders how aware he is of everything that happened. It would be like Isobel to gloss over it with him.

“Yeah, I know. This town just… It has a lot of bad memories for him.”

Max nods like he actually understands, “You know Liz left for a similar reason. I would have followed her anywhere if she had let me.” Michael’s glad he’s not rehashing the other part of that, the fact that he and Isobel played a part in Liz leaving.

“I’m happy for you, Max,” Michael says. And he is. He’s always wanted his siblings to be happy and safe.

“That’s not what I meant,” Max says, giving him that look that never fails to frustrate Michael. Like he’s going to play the big brother card. Except, to Michael’s surprise, this time he doesn’t. Or at least he doesn’t lay down the law. “You know it’s okay if you follow Alex, right? Isobel and I can manage on our own. You deserve to be happy too.”

Michael turns to Isobel, waiting for her reaction. He knows she, more than Max, has relied on him being there, even if Max was always her person.

“I can stand on my own, Michael,” Isobel says, looking at him like she’s daring him to contradict her. “I do expect you to drag your boyfriend into town with you for our brother’s wedding though,” Isobel says, looking at him with her eyebrow raised like she’s daring him to argue with her, like he doesn’t know better.

* * *

Alex is working on something on his laptop when Michael gets back to the cabin, looking so comfy in an oversized gray sweatshirt and a pair of black sweatpants, right leg tied up, and when Michael steps inside, Alex quickly closes it and sets it aside, moving to stand up. “How was-”

Michael closes the distance between them and pulls Alex into his arms, interrupting the question Alex was about to ask. He buries his face into Alex’s neck, basking in the warmth of Alex’s arms around him. Alex just holds him tightly, letting out soft, soothing noises, even though Michael knows Alex doesn’t know what’s going on.

“I missed you,” he mumbles into Alex’s skin, relaxing further into Alex’s touch when he feels one of Alex’s hands in his hair, cupping his head. “I don’t want to have to miss you anymore.”

That’s when Alex stills completely, “Does that mean you’ve thought about Albuquerque? About making a home there? With me?”

Michael stills at his use of that word. _Home._ He’s never had a home. Not since they crash-landed on earth. He was bumped around from shitty foster home to shitty foster home, lived out of his truck, Alex’s father’s toolshed… The closest he ever had to a home was his Airstream, but, really, that had never felt permanent either. It was just the one place that was _his_. But Alex? Alex is offering to give him some place permanent. With _him_. The one person on this earth that has ever made him feel like he has a place on it. Like he’s here for a reason. Like it’s a good thing that he’s here.

Alex must have taken his silence for panic, because he’s rambling and pulling back, shutting down. And not long ago, Michael would have taken this for something different, for rejection. But now he knows. Alex is as scared of losing Michael as Michael is of losing Alex. Alex just responds to that fear differently.

So Michael grabs his hand and squeezes as he says, “I’ve never had a home before.”

That stops Alex in his tracks. He watches the emotions flicker over Alex’s face. Sadness, guilt, concern. But then his face settles into that soft, warm look Michael recognizes as love, “Me neither,” Alex replies. “The closest thing I ever had to a home is you.”

At that, Michael can’t resist the urge to lean forward and capture Alex’s lips with his own.

* * *

They’re laying in bed in the cabin that night, Alex safe and warm in his arms, exactly where Michael wants him most, when Michael says, “My mom knew you were good for me, you know.”

He loves Alex even more for responding with nothing more than a hum and a squeeze of his hand.

“I saw some of her memories and she saw mine. My most important ones, anyway. She knew who your father is, she knew about our history, and she _knew_ you’re it for me, Alex. And she was happy about that.”

Alex shifts, turns until he’s facing Michael, his fingers gently pushing back Michael’s curls. But he’s still silent, giving Michael room to speak.

He swallows, trying to find the best way to explain memories of impressions from his mother. “I don’t know how I deserve to be loved, but, Alex, my mom thought you loved me like I deserved to be loved. She saw you and she knew how much you loved me and she wanted that for me. She saw _how_ you love me and she wanted that for me. I guess it just took me a while to catch up,” he admits.

“I don’t-” Alex starts.

“I am so proud of you, darlin’,” he leans forward and presses a kiss to the tip of Alex’s nose, delighting in the way Alex blushes. He takes a deep breath, stroking up and down Alex’s side. “I am scared about hurting you, but not like you think. Not because I think you’re gonna break, okay?”

Alex doesn’t speak, simply waiting for him to explain.

“You are the strongest person I’ve ever met and I know you will find a way to deal with whatever happens. But I don’t know if I can handle hurting you again. Not like that.” He can still remember how Alex had scrambled away from him like he had been burned. How he had been shaking, the sound of him hyperventilating, the way his face had been wet with tears. And he had done that.

Alex looks like he wants to object. Of course he does. He’s always trying to protect Michael from pain.

“Can you just give me time to figure that part of it out?” he asks. And then, when he realizes how that sounds, “Not time and space, Alex. Not space. As little space as possible.” He takes a breath before continuing, “I need to figure out how to love you like you deserve to be loved. I don’t want to hurt you anymore. So can you give me time to figure it out?”

Alex smiles at that and snuggles into him closer, pressing a kiss to his jaw, “I think I can do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> Michael and Alex continue to insist on working through their issues, so I have at least one more part to this.


End file.
